Ordinary Things I Won't Do

Censorship

2010-11-12T11:50:00.000-08:00

I won't confuse real censorship with a retailer choosing not to carry an item.

Back in the day, when I worked at a massive bookseller, there was a big discussion about the store carrying a racist hate tract. Unfortunately, the CEO decided that it would be censorship for the store not to carry this spew.

Wrong.

The store is not preventing the author from writing it, the publisher from printing it, the media or public from talking about it, or anyone from buying it wherever they can find it.

It's not censorship to decide what NOT to put on your store shelves, whether real or virtual.

Footwear

2010-10-24T18:36:00.000-07:00

I won't wear Crocs (which I believe is a fairly ordinary thing to do), nor will I wear those five-toed shoes (which is not yet an ordinary thing to do, and heaven help us if it becomes so).

Someone did a poll: Which are more hideous?

Nose-breathing

2010-10-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

I won't breathe through my mouth if there's a bad smell. I do not know why.

Right and Correct

2010-04-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Apparently, "obsolete" as a verb dates to 1640. I stand corrected. Irritated, but corrected.

See how too much jargon makes me question REAL WORDS?!

That's Not Right... Nor is it Correct

2010-04-15T08:21:00.001-07:00

I will never, ever use "obsolete" as a verb, as in "that obsoletes everything we were going to do."

Looking at you, Brad Feld, keynote speaker at Museums and the Web 2010.

It's Big, Right?

2010-02-26T18:51:00.001-08:00

I won't try to figure out what people mean when they use the phrase "world class."

Lost and Found

2010-02-12T10:57:00.001-08:00

I will not ask those gentlemen if they need help finding whatever they lost behind the dumpster in the alley.

Pronunciation

2010-01-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

I won't pronounce "jewelry" like "joolery." My pronunciation is more like "julry."

I also, apparently, won't pronounce "lawyer" like "loyer." Seems I say "laaahyer." Or so I've been told. Mine is superior, because one practices "law," not "loy."

So there, east coasters.

Jewelry

2010-01-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

For the longest time, I wouldn't (really? maybe didn't is better) wear jewelry. Only now I have a lovely ring that means something, so I do! Plus, I wore earrings and necklaces for my siblings' weddings, and if my fashion consultant would let me, I'd wear a leather necklace with either a St. Christopher medal or a Polynesian fishhook. Aww, yeah. That would go good with some cargo pants, dude.

Just No

2010-01-13T09:34:00.001-08:00

I will not engage in conversations in which people* say Ann Coulter "is really a man" (or any variant thereof). It's anti-intellectual and very dangerous.

For more details, see the ever-brilliant Cheryl Morgan's recent post.

*shame on any leftie who does this

Promises

2010-01-11T13:27:00.001-08:00

I will not make New Year's resolutions.

Last Drink Bird Head

2009-12-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

I will not claim to have the best story in Last Drink Bird Head. But I do have a story in it, and so do a bunch of really awesome authors! Buy a copy! Proceeds go to benefit a great nonprofit organization: ProLiteracy.

Even I Draw the Line Here

2009-12-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

While I do occasionally check Facebook at work, I won't play Farmville, Fishville, or Cafe World unless I'm at home. (There was a time when I could have said I won't play those games; alas, now I am running with the Farmville herd.)

However.

I will not refer to a Farmville crop strategy guide.

Politics

2009-11-05T20:05:00.000-08:00

I won't try to create a trend out of two data points. The major media (and probably every dedicated Fox News viewer) are trying to say that two governorships switching from Repub to Dem is a trend, spelling bad news for the Prez and liberals in general. Instead of being snarky about it, I'm trying to be honest about how TEMPTING it is to draw conclusions from two points when they validate what you already believe. I would probably be doing it right now if Maine had joined Washington in voting for gay rights.

Related post here.

Things I won't read

2009-10-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

After watching the first half hour of a dramatic adaptation of John Kennedy Toole's Confederacy of Dunces last night (and walking out), I feel it's safe to say that I'll never bother to read this Pulitzer Prize-winning novel that so many, many people love.

CSI: Ordinary

2009-10-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

I won't watch CSI or any variants thereof. Not my cup of tea.

Hydration

2009-10-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

I (apparently) won't drink enough water to stay healthy. But all that's about to change.

Pronunciation

2009-09-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

I won't pronounce Budapest with the 'sh' sound, as "Budapesht."

Did you know that Budapest used to be called Pestbuda sometimes?

Also, unless I am speaking Spanish in Spain, I won't pronounce Ibiza or Barcelona with the correct lisp, as in "Ibitha" and "Barthelona"

Did you know the story about the so-called "Castilian lisp" having its origins in the practice of subjects copying their lispy king is most likely an urban legend?

No judgment on those who pronounce these place names correctly! It's just that I feel weird every time I try, so I don't do it any more.

And in the pockets are more pants!

2009-09-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

I used to think cargo pants were practical and looked cool. But after some cruel but fair mirror-based fashion advice from the one I love, I will never again carry stuff (wallet, keys, sunglasses) in the pockets of cargo pants, if, indeed, I will ever wear cargo pants again.

I won't be wearing cargo shorts either.*

*OK, maybe I have some boardies with pockets on the side, but they are totally flush and will never hold objects. Except my driver's license when I'm surfing. It's an old habit.

p.s. "... and in the pockets are more pants!" is from this hilarious rant about cargo pants.

More about Twitter

2009-09-01T16:00:00.001-07:00

I won't add "-twitter" or any variant onto the END of words (see previous post about using "tw-" as a prefix. This is getting more and more common. I've seen "voluntwitter" and "reportwitter" and "mistweet." Mind you, I understand when apps have variants of "Twitter" in their names... that's just clarity. But as part of ordinary speech, I resist it.

Twings I Twon't Do

2009-08-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

I will not put a Tw- on the front of any word to indicate that it is somehow associated with Twitter. This practice has entered the mainstream, to my dismay.

Holy crap, enough with the bathrooms already!

2009-08-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

I might be obsessed with restroom hygiene/behavior, or it might be just that in the bathroom is when my "I would never do that" alarms go off. Anyway....

I will not bring a snack or beverage with me into the restroom and set it on the sink for safekeeping.

It seems that most people on Fluther.com feel the same. Apparently enough people do this that it's on the internet's radar. Also, I'm not putting a poll up for this because someone else already did.

Bathroom Talking Results

2009-07-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

52% of you agreed with me that chatting over the stalls in public restrooms is not acceptable behavior. A shocking 11% said you did it and liked it. New poll is about tipping at coffee shops.

Heartburn

2009-07-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

I won't eat garlic, onions, or green peppers if they are raw. I used to. Now I won't. The suffering is too much.

Glasses Part Two

2009-07-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

I will not wear my (reading or other) glasses on a chain or cord.

Glasses

2009-07-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

I will not wear my sunglasses on the back of my head.

Not Even for Gay Pride

2009-06-28T21:35:00.001-07:00

I will not put my hand on my partner's a** in public. Well, I would if it meant they would give us equal rights.

I'm Not the Only One

2009-06-25T14:39:00.001-07:00

Apparently, others will also not consume half-eaten snacks left on the kitchen counter at work.

Bloggo

2009-06-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

I won't (after this post) blog about blogging.

Staunch

2009-06-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

I won't use the word "staunch" to describe anyone who isn't.

"DNC Treasurer Andrew Tobias, a staunch gay rights advocate, defended Obama, telling Politico, 'If this debacle of a brief represented the president’s views, I’d boycott too. I totally understand all the hurt and anger... (but I) still personally totally believe in the president.'"

... because that loathable DOJ brief is staunchly anti-gay. And the president is ultimately responsible for it.

Spiders

2009-06-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

I will not... can not... pick up a giant house spider corpse without TWO multi-folded paper towels between it and me. One paper towel will not do. Tissue will not do. Nor can I vacuum it up without feeling very scared of the vacuum cleaner for a few days.

The giant house spider, Tegenaria gigantea, was introduced to the Seattle area from Western Europe. I'd rather have socialized medicine next time, thanks very much.

Good Boundaries

2009-06-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

I won't have a joint e-mail address with my significant other.
(thanks for the tip, Brooks!)

Dosage

2009-06-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

I won't take an allergy pill until at least 24 hours have passed since the last one.

No-nut (not what you think)

2009-06-05T14:47:00.000-07:00

1. I will not eat a doughnut on National Donut Day*.

2. I will not be sanctimonious about spelling it "doughnut."

*(first Friday of every June since 1938, when the Salvation Army created the holiday)

Tipping

2009-06-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I won't decide on a waiter's tip using a scale of service quality. I leave 15-20% depending on what kind of small bills I have.

(thanks for the idea, Remmmy!)

Group Identity

2009-05-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

I won't address a group of people using the word "people."
(thanks for the tip, eduffell)

Scrubba Scrubba Scrubba

2009-05-31T12:35:00.001-07:00

I won't fail to wash my hands after using the bathroom. I also won't fail to passive-aggressively gossip about those who don't wash their hands. Consider yourself warned, non-hand-washers. Everyone is talking about you.

Corporate Jargon

2009-05-29T08:35:00.001-07:00

I will not, ever, ever, ever use "learnings" in place of "lessons."

Politeness

2009-05-28T15:35:00.000-07:00

Things People (and I) Won't Eat

2009-05-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a Lonely Planet post on some dietary line-drawing. I won't eat tuna any more, but not because it doesn't taste good:

You Wouldn't Eat a Tiger, So Why Would You Eat a Bluefin Tuna?

Try on Your Glasses

2009-05-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

I won't try on other people's glasses.

Eat the Rest

2009-05-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

I won't eat the second half of a bag of chips someone has left on the counter.

Overstall Talking

2009-05-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

I won't engage in overstall conversation in a public restroom.

No Judgment

2009-05-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

These are ordinary, everyday things that some people do, but I won't. You might do some of them. No judgment.